Today’s entry is a bit less cheerful than usual I think.
Maybe I have this intense need to be different because I simply hate being compared to other people.
I try my best not to compare myself to others. I really do. But sometimes, my overly sensitive side slips through and I catch myself doing it anyway. What I’ve realised though is that comparison often comes from other people first. And I’ve never quite fit into what’s considered “normal” societally. Even physically, I’m taller than average, so I already stand out without even saying or doing anything.
I tend to approach things differently because I believe there’s usually a better, more interesting, or at least more fun way to do them. The curiosity feels natural to me. But when people roll their eyes or ridicule me for trying an alternative approach, I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t sting. Writing this now, I realise it also says something about how uncomfortable people can get with ideas that challenge their own fixed ways of thinking. Still, knowing that doesn’t make the rejection hurt any less.
Growing up, I didn’t fit in at school. I was not Indian enough for my ethnically Indian peers, and clearly too Indian for the others. I lived in that awkward in-between space where you’re never quite part of any group, regardless of who I stand with.
Law school was no different. I lacked the passion, the background, the so-called “law student aura”. I was there physically for the whole 5 years, but never fully felt like I belonged. When I started working, I didn’t fit in because I didn’t have the “right” academic qualifications despite doing the work and learning on the job constantly. Then came my Master’s degree, where once again I felt out of place; unconventional, self-taught, relying on only my experience in a room full of people who had formal academic training in the field.
At some point, you’ll start asking yourself if the problem is you. If you’re destined to always feel slightly out of sync with every room you enter.
But maybe not fitting in everywhere isn’t a curse. Maybe it’s proof that I don’t belong in spaces that demand sameness. Maybe I’m meant to build my own lane, find people who value lived experience as much as credentials, curiosity as much as conformity.
I’m still figuring it out. But I’m starting to believe that fitting in was never the goal. Belonging on my own terms is.